Music Humor - Miscellaneous

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  Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody crys when you cut up a banjo.
Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: An accordion player with a pager.
Q: Definition of a gentleman:
A: One who knows how to play bagpipes but chooses not to.
Q: Know how to make a million dollars playing music?
A: Start with two million.
A musician calls the night club to talk to the owner. "I'm sorry, but he has died suddenly," comes the reply from the bartender. The musician calls back 25 more times, always getting the same reply. At last the bartender asks him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."
Q: What happens if you play blues music backwards?
A: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
Q: What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
A: You hear New Age music.
Q: How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.
Q: How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None - Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
A2: "Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"
Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"
St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"
The man says, "I was a doctor."
St. Peter says, "OK, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher."
"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician."
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..."
Q: A trombone player is driving on the highway and passes a frog driving in a car next to him. What's the difference between the two?
A: The frog is on his way to a gig.

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