"The Outlier Olympics..."

August 12th, 2004

The Olympics are once again upon us. But as we review the line-up of events, it seems to be more of the same-old, same-old.

So, we Outliers got to thinking about it, and decided that at tomorrow night's gig, we'll conduct our own OUTLIER OLYMPICS. We thought long and hard (about 15 minutes) about the events, and here's what we came up with. We hope you join us for this exciting international sporting event.

Steroid Endurance Test
Every member of the band will inject huge quantities of steroids (Brad, can you get the steroids for us?) and then try to maintain a normal tempo for the songs throughout the night. (Mark T. is excluded from this event as he starts all songs too fast anyway.)

The Sam Ash Dash
In this event, you walk into any Sam Ash store, and see how many salespeople completely ignore you when you say something like, "I need to buy some guitar strings". You get bonus points for each salesperson who also gives you some attitude, and additional points if they go on to tell you what a great musician they themselves are.

Harmonica Polo After each phrase in a song, Joel will toss his harmonica into the crowd. The crowd will then bat it back towards the band. Each welt caused on a band member’s head will result in points for the person doing the batting.

Speed Singing Inviting folks from the crowd to come up and sing with us, as we then keep doubling the tempo to see who can keep up with us.

Spot the Terrorist We’ve been told that a few Terrorists might be at the gig. So in this event is to see who can spot them first. (Tips: They’ll likely be dressed just like you or I, dance just like you or I, and have plastic explosives strapped to their bodies.)

Guitar Throwing
Throwing a spear - designed for distance - sounds a bit pedantic, doesn’t it. Throwing a 1975 Gibson Les Paul however - designed for power chords - sounds much more exciting, especially if it’s Tommy’s Les Paul.

Drum Rolling
In this event, we stuff Brad inside his bass drum and then see how far we can roll it before he throws up.

Synchronized Feedback
Instead of the usual Outlier amp feedback with all the puzzled looks at to whom is causing it, all band members intentionally create simultaneously feedback. It won’t sound good, but the look of horror on people’s faces should be entertaining.

Amp Lifting
This takes place before and after the gig, as the band strain themselves to lift all of their equipment. The last one without a hernia is declared the winner.

Duck Walking
During Johnny B. Goode, people at the gig will compete for who does the best Chuck Berry Duck Walk (i.e., the person who can do it without falling over, wins).

Also, true to the authenticity of the original Greek Olympics, the entire gig will performed in the nude. (OK, just kidding, only Brad will be performing nude, but that's more because he just wants to - and has a instrument to hide behind.)



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